Online Dating: How to Write the First Message or Email

You finally found that girl you want to know better and now you need to send her as letter? Putting together a simple email or text message can be a daunting task if you let your mind wander and your emotions race. Instead, take a deep breath, go for a walk, and relax yourself. Writing a letter to your potential mate about a first date is actually something you should look forward to doing!

Writing a Better First Email

For starters, unless you are a professional writer, nobody is expecting your email to be a Pulitzer Prize worthy block of prose. You don’t need to use a fancy vocabulary, or a complicated rhyming scheme… but there are a few things you definitely should be using.

Start with a good spellchecker and grammar checker. Most email and text software includes one these days but many phone messaging apps do not. That’s why email is likely your best bet. Failing to spell simple words correctly, having a ton of typos or using improper grammar are all very easily correctible errors, so when you send her a message full of mistakes it doesn’t just show her you write poorly, it also shows her you didn’t think it was worth your time to have that message corrected because in your eyes she just wasn’t worth the effort. That’s a big blunder.

Okay…So What Should I Include?

Stick to the basics for starters. Does she know who you are and how she met you? How you got her email address? If its from a friend of a friend you want to let her know who you are and exactly how you got her information to help her feel at ease that a stranger is contacting her about a blind date. If she gave you her info, remind her of when it happened, tell her how excited you are to be following up and suggest a simple way for you to meet.

Be specific about times, locations and events of any first date but give her the option to change the plans if she wants to do something else. That shows her you are able to take charge, but also willing to share the decision-making process with her if that makes her happy.

Focus on Your Shared Interests

The best first date emails are able to convey a sense of shared interest right from the start. Did you meet an art gallery? Mention your interest in art and suggest a date that has some kind of artistic theme to it. Do you both work at the same office? Make a light-hearted joke about work. It’s easy to find common ground if you take a moment to look for it.

A First Date Email Example:

Hi Annie,

This is Mark, I’m the friend Sheila introduced you to at that art gallery opening last night. I really liked the work Sheila did on her new art installation, but I should admit that of all I saw last night you were by far the most interesting. 

I’d love to get together sometime if you are interested. There is a really great show coming up at the esplanade, it’s an invite-only showing from a new artist in the area and I have two tickets. Would you want to go with me? The show is on Tuesday from 8PM until around 11PM this week. 

Let me know if that works for you or if you have another venue in mind. I look forward to hearing from you and getting to know you better soon.

 - Mark

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